Permitting Myself To Speak Freely
The day after my 43rd birthday, I found myself in a HORRIBLE mood. The thought of talking to anyone made my blood boil and I just wished the world would stop moving. I wished I could disappear. I wanted to turn off my phone, sit in the dark, and simply cease to exist. Have you ever been so tired with life that you wished you could disappear into thin air? That’s how I felt the day after my birthday.
When I finally came back to my reality, I asked myself, “what in the hell is wrong with me?” You would think I should be happy and blessed to see another year. Yet, I was mad at myself for not executing my purpose because I was still confused on how and where to begin.
Rather than dealing with what was really bothering me, I decided to get something to eat and call it a night. After eating a plate full of frozen fish sticks, dipped in ketchup, I went to bed and pulled the covers up, covering my head. My husband kept asking me if I was okay, and I mumbled yes and pretended to be asleep. I did not want to bothered, not even from the person who is my biggest supporter and loved the most.
When I finally went to sleep, I had a dream about me finding my purpose and rebranding my passion. I felt like God was giving me a sign after a day filled in turmoil. In all honesty, God was revealing things to me while I slept. In the vision, I started speaking different titles. Of those titles, I remember two: “Freely Speaking,” and “Permission to Speak, Freely.” After reciting Permission to Speak, Freely, I started thinking about women who are often mistreated, mocked for being a victim of abuse, and, of course, women whose murders swiftly fade away and never receive justice.
Permission to Speak Freely is not a question. It is a statement. Period. I am not asking anyone for permission because I’m giving myself the ability to speak freely.
Is it sarcasm? Absolutely, especially if you knew a small snippet of my life’s story! You see, throughout my life, I silenced my voice in order to elevate the voices of other. I was a victim of domestic violence, bullying, and suffered with low self-esteem for many years. I felt like my voice was not valued by others. I chose to put everyone else’s happiness above my own, frequently crying in silence. I stayed constipated with emotions, and instead of releasing those toxins, I held them inside as they continued to make me ill. God permitted me to speak freely through my dreams, creating a space where I no longer seek permission from others to use MY voice.
I am passionate about helping women and men find their voices by showing them how to give themselves permission to speak freely without limitations through THEIR narratives and NOT the narratives of others. As the Roving Journalist, it is my duty to show others how to release their genuine emotions and gifts that will inspire, encourage, and motivate communities through the power of their stories.
I believe that remaining positive and protecting your peace is critical to success and living a balanced and healthy life. Like the stories I share, I encourage others to stay ambitious and never give up on their life’s purpose.
Permission to Speak Freely. No need to ask, SPEAK!