Transparency
Have you ever claimed to be so busy with everything going on around you, like family, friends, life changes, or typical bullshit, that you forget or neglect to tap into your purpose of why you are still living and existing? Have you made every excuse in the book of reasons that you lose yourself amid the chaos? Then, when adversaries start coming in your path, you instantly roll up into a feeble position and cry out with various emotions. Well, that is where I was, and still a little now. My husband and I purchased our first home last year. Before moving, I had fallen in love with story-telling and collecting stories from narrators who are KILLING IT in their purpose! When I reflect on the stories I collected and who unselfishly shared, I often smile and say I know I have value because those entrepreneurs and community members trusted me, little ole ME, with their stories! But that smile instantly vanished when I remembered I had dropped the ball. When the time came close to searching and closing on our home, the excuses started, and I threw the pen aside and laid the computer on the table to collect dust. I often said, "when we move and finally get settled, I will start collecting stories again." Or, I would blame it on the limited space I had in our old home due to packing, decluttering, and organizing for our big move. I would tell friends and family, "I just don't have the space, you know?" and wait for an "Amen" reply from them, so it could make me feel better for my lackadaisical approach toward my purpose and God-given talents.
One of the main reasons I stopped making New Year Resolutions is I would always give up on them before the Spring season. I am good with following through with my resolutions from January through the first week of March. Afterward, it's bye-bye resolutions and hello procrastinations. So, every year, my new year will resolve to stop procrastinating and remain consistent (hmm...I even wrote a blog piece on procrastination. Go figure)! And, this year, 2023, I avoided making any resolutions. I knew all it would have done was pissed me off and put me in a bad headspace when I finally threw it to the side like an old wet towel. So instead, I prayed and asked God to give me the willpower to provide consistency whenever I decided to tap back into my purpose. And give me fresh ideas for reaching my target audience and growing my craft.
Recently, I received a call that threw me a little off guard. It was disturbing because (excuse my "hateration in this dancery") everything seemed all perfect on their end. Don't get me wrong; I always root for people to vibrate higher in their lives and KILL IT in their callings and crafts. But, this day, I was dealing with my shit and did not have the mind nor desire to receive their "Glory Moment." So, I sat quiet and gave a fake supportive, "Oh, that's good!" When I was able to get a word in the conversation. Let's be honest, we all have those days when someone living it up in their moment will catch you at the wrong time. After ending our conversation, I pondered why that call upset me until I was on the brink of tears. Hell, I even took a half-day off work to gather my thoughts because I felt all types of negative emotions and did not want that mess to spill over into my work performance. After getting some much-needed retail therapy and deep soul-searching, I realized that the person on the other end of the receiver was not the problem; it was all fingers pointing at Me! I was the common denominator in my spinning world. And do you want to know what that problem was? If you said procrastinating on my purpose and talents, you are correct! (But, let me be clear, I believe the phone call was meant to throw shade at my procrastination ass).
In my 40-plus years of living and constantly learning, I've noticed that we love to blame the devil for a lot of crap in our lives. And that mean ole devil does creep in and tries to destroy everything good in our lives the majority of the times. But, we humans have to hold ourselves accountable when we F-up our own lives without the help of that particular adversary. The one thing that phone conversation did was allow me to look at myself. It sparked a small flame in me, which made me pick up my pen and open my laptop to tap back into my gifts. It showed me that I need to organize my life and get on track quickly, fast, and in a hurry. Now, staying consistent will not be easy, but holding myself accountable to stay on track is the mission I am willing to start. This revelation led me to write this blog piece and be fully transparent with myself and my readers.
So, what is the take-away's from this story? First, stop blaming others for your mishaps. Before jumping the gun and pointing the finger at others for your emotional rollercoaster, take a long look at yourself and analyze the issues within yourself. Second, it does not matter how often you quit; what matters most is picking up your baton and staying in the race. And, lastly, just don't answer the damn phone when you don't feel like being bothered! That is why God created caller ID and voicemail!
Be Blessed, and stay in the race!
Smooches!